The Most Turbulence I've Felt In A While | Why Do I Worry?

With my headphones deep into my ears, I leaned toward the middle aisle of the plane to see the flight attendant explaining all of the safety precautions. I shifted my head back inside my little 2x2 foot cube that they call A15 and focused on All Sons and Daughters serenading and relaxing me. Not to be confused by A16, because yes, I did sit there first, and the girl whose seat I took definitely let me know. 

It’s a little eerie how small of a plane you can fly on to Roswell, New Mexico, but they assured us this flight would be turbulence-free. As I type, I feel a little bumpiness, which I do consider “turbulence”. My dream flight might feel something like a new Lexus on a freshly paved road. Smooth. I don’t want nothin’.

Have you guessed it already?

I have a minor fear of flying.  Let’s be real. I have significant fear of many things in my life.  And it seems like lately these fears are being addressed and stripped from me.

I have found myself in some very uncomfortable situations, of which I wouldn’t choose.  I wouldn’t have planned them for myself.  And I do foresee more of these in the future and can’t help but worry.

But why?

It’s almost blatantly obvious to me how the plans I have and had made for myself, those plans I foresee to be the smoothest plans for myself, are not the ones God has for me. 

For whatever reason, (okay I know the reason) I am being presented with situations where I have no other choice but to move forward. To stay on this ride. This rollercoaster of a ride. To hit the turbulence and... rest.

Because it’s during the turbulence that His strength will suffice my weakness.  When I am weak, He is strong.

Oh yes, roller coasters are fun, but this one has some new twists and turns that I couldn’t see before I strapped myself in.

However, while I’m at the top of this roller coaster, as I stare out into the night sky and see the Dallas city lights and those airport lights flashing in the distance, I see Glory. I see the strength that is being filled within me from nothing that’s of my flesh. This totally cannot be my strength right now.

I feel it.

Because I know that I, alone, am not strong enough for the steps I’m taking forward. And that in itself is encouraging to me.

Not my plans. His plans. He has provided me with the sweetest people in my life to encourage me through the most uncomfortable and unconfident moments, and they don’t even know it. But I do. He provides.

Unfortunately, sometimes it takes these unstable moments to fully realize and be reminded again how our flesh, our own mind and body cannot withhold what challenges we face.  Thank goodness for something Greater. Thank goodness for the Strength found in prayer, Scripture and the Spirit within me.

Because this roller coaster is still click-click-clicking up to the peak, and I trust that if I hold on tight and enjoy the scenery and city lights from above, I will only take away the beauty of it all.

Everywhere. Because everywhere we look, there is something beautiful planted right in front of us. Tonight, it is the view of the city lights and beautiful All Sons and Daughters music that’s blaring too loudly in my ears. It’s that the music on my phone actually worked without service. It’s that I was able to purchase Peach O rings for my flight. It’s that God created such intelligent human beings who created the art of flying. And that connects us to our families easier and helps us work.

And so here I look out my window to see a black sea of abyss with sprinkles of orange lights down below.  I will try to remind myself daily how I couldn’t script a better story for myself. I’m thankful for the uncomfortable moments that continue to chip away the broken pieces of my fearful self.

Because who wants to fly to amazing places to shoot beautiful weddings and see incredible sights!? This girl!

I want to fly.

I can’t believe that I boarded this place to fly me to another wedding of another sweet couple.

Again. His plans are far better. I would’ve never dreamed this for myself. 

“I could just sit and wait for all your goodness; hope to feel Your presence. And I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel You; hope to feel something again. I could hold on; I could hold on to who I am and never let You change me from the inside.

And I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home, never let these walls down, but You have called me higher; You have called me deeper, and I will go where You will lead me Lord.” –Called Me Higher; All Sons and Daughters

Happy Monday friends!